What, me run?

More than a year

2006-08-27T18:30:00.000-05:00

I haven't updated in more than a year. In fact, I didn't plan to post again. I found the expectation to keep up overwhelming, especially in light of a year filled with not running. So I'll be starting over. The shin splints and sore foot are gone (you'd think a year of rest would do it) but I feel like I'm really starting from scratch. I won't be working shift work anymore which helps too.

In case you're wondering, in case you're actually still checking in, I was on a deck that collapsed last September. I was in a cast for the better part of the fall and winter and have only just recently been able to go down the stairs in a relatively normal way. It may be just walking for awhile, but hopefully it will eventually be running. Wish me luck.

Week 14, Friday - New York

2005-06-17T21:10:00.000-05:00

I've been in New York this week walking all over the city. The skyline was amazing. I haven't really explored the city since I was 17, making only one visit (to Brooklyn) since. We did a number of touristy things (the top of the Empire State Building at dusk), a number of obligatory things (5th Avenue, World Trade Center site) and a few odd things (sea lion feeding in Central Park, the whispering arches in Grand Central). Although we spent a good part of one day on the subway jaunting from destination to destination on an unlimited pass, we still did large chunks of walking while shopping, getting to subway stops and in and around the city. My feet felt like I walked all over Manhattan in bare feet on glass by the end of the first day. I had great, comfortable shoes on and good socks (no blisters!) but they still hurt a day later. I'm fairly certain from the needling pain in one arch near my heel that it's plantar fasciitis. It's much worse right after getting out of bed in the morning - bad enough so that I can't walk at first. I've had a similar pain in this arch before and it gets better with running, but I can't even imagine running with this pain. In the meantime, I'm popping ibuprofin and keeping it up. Massage seems to help. I really enjoyed New York, though. Sore tootsies or not.

Week 13, Saturday - Well, thank goodness!

2005-06-11T09:50:00.000-05:00

I'm not alone!

It's nice to hear you all are struggling with the heat/humidity too! Well, not nice. But, you know what I mean. I gave the track another go this morning at 8am (instead of at 6pm at 90 degrees). It was just about 80 this morning when I got there and I found that wasn't such an uncomfortable temperature to run in. As before, I found my heartbeat went up and stayed up much quicker than on the treadmill. I'm really struggling with running continually outside. I'm not sure if it's the inexperience (I'm sure a large part of it is) or laziness (which I hate to think can thwart me even when I'm watching out for it) or fear of making something hurt (though that doesn't stop me on the treadmill). So, I focused on just keeping my heart rate in range though for thirty minutes, by which point it was a whole 5 degrees hotter and my calf was revolting.

No really, revolting. There's some sort of weird golf ball sized pain in the back inside of my right calf. I'd howl here for emphasis, but I'm sure you all have had a similar pain somewhere. I can't seem to find a good stretch for that particular stretch of muscle, so I've stretched everything around it and am hoping for the best. Thing is, it mostly doesn't hurt when I'm not running, so I'm not sure if it's gone away or not. This has provided me with hours of muddling this week.
Well, it was a slow week.

Here's to you, and your sweat and unexplained calf pain. Thanks for making me feel not so alone.

Week 13, Friday - Cotton Socks

2005-06-10T10:17:00.000-05:00

Cotton actually does cause blisters. And here I've been with my pristine heels scoffing all this time.
But no, actually, my substitute pair of cotton socks stealthily caressed my heels into two raging blisters last time I ran. And I didn't notice. Oh no, not until I accidentally bumped my heels back into the legs of my desk chair. It's surprising that I managed to notice any popping, oozing feeling at all through the pain.

Hi-tech fabrics, here I come.

Week 13, Sunday - Oh, the Heat!

2005-06-06T18:25:00.000-05:00

I seem to be doing less moaning and lying about and more moving, which makes me feel like whatever slump grabbed me and shook me around last week is over. D and I went to run on the track yesterday afternoon. It was the first really hot day in northern Virginia. We've been enjoying a long string of mid-sixty (and lower) days, only fair I suppose, since it was still 79 in late January. But yesterday, we broke out of our rut and blossomed into fully humid, sunny June. I didn't meet my May goal for outside miles (or frequency) so I doubt I was up to my goal of two miles on the track yesterday. As it happened, I was right - the heat was smothering and my body wilted and gave up much sooner than I would have liked. The positive? I ran nearly all of a mile and walked another half mile. Otherwise, it was only a mile, only a little, not as fast or as hard as I would have liked.

On the other hand, my heart rate stayed comfortably in the aerobic zone the entire time (blame it on the heat) and it was a solid 40 minutes of activity all told. So, I'm out of shape (obviously) but I had a wonderful time and I know it'll be easier next time. One, because I won't be going at 5 when it's still blazingly sunny and 85 outside and two, because I've done it once already.

Yes, I drank lots of water. I'm good about that.

W5, R30, W5, W5 - 1.5m/45min

Week 12, Friday - Sweat

2005-06-03T19:51:00.000-05:00

I love to sweat. Love it. I love the feeling of slick skin and the pooling around my eyebrows. I love to look down at my breasts and see tiny beads of sweat popping out. I love reaching to wipe the side of my temple and feeling the squash of liquid against my hand. I love the cool feeling of water sluicing over my hot skin. I love the taste of salty sweat and sweet water combining at the corners of my mouth. A good sweat is the only reward I need for a run. It makes up for the sore muscles, the achy feet, the awful feelings that keep me from running in the first place. I'm glad it's summer so that I'm guaranteed a good sweat, even if it's just a quick, fast workout like today.

I ran 30 minutes straight at 1.5 incline which felt incredibly easy at the pace I was going. I tried to pick it up a little in the middle. Frankly, I felt like I was plodding, going too slow, tempting boredom. But the rhythm of my steps and the music allowed me to zone out like I can't do outside and the time just flew by. I sometimes forget how much I love running between runs. I love it as much as I love the sweat that follows.

W5 - 3.5, R30 - 4.0/4.3, W5 - 3.5 - 2.58m(2m running)/1.5 inc.

Week 12, Thursday - A Walk

2005-06-03T12:11:00.000-05:00

D. and I went for a walk after dinner last night. My general malaise hasn't lifted and I was still battling a headache, but we went anyway. We walked over to the h.s. track so that she could feel the squishiness. It's wonderful, the track. We walked a mile at a fairly brisk pace and then headed back home. In all, I think it was a very good idea. We picked fresh honeysuckle to eat, talked and watched the dark grey clouds go black. A much better choice than a night of television.

Week 12, Thursday - Health

2005-06-02T15:00:00.000-05:00

I have never been as well as I have been this year. I haven't caught any major colds or illness since late last summer. I think that's pretty remarkable considering the shared phones, desks, keyboards and crazy hours and poor sleep. In the past several weeks though, I've been contending with morning migraines and a lingering sense of depression. I hate to admit that. Something inside me insists that if I were doing everything right - doing everything enough, not too much, doing it well, consistently - I wouldn't feel like this. And, admitting that I'm not doing something right means (to me) that I'm not working hard enough to fix it, which makes me feel lazy (at best) and negligent (at worst), and I end up feeling like I don't have a right to complain or wish I felt better or address feeling depressed directly because it's my fault I feel this way to begin with.

I suppose my wake up call came this morning when I googled morning headaches. Nearly universally, websites blamed depression or high blood pressure. It never would have occurred to me to attribute my headaches to depression. High blood pressure is a family thing, a weight thing and it wouldn't surprise me if that were a factor. That just means more running, more weight loss and, if it doesn't get better, a trip to the doctor. On the other hand, I just don't have the tools for depression. I can eat right but I'm just not that hungry. I can get enough sunlight, or run, or get fresh air but doing any of that makes my already tears-to-my-eyes headache pound. I can sleep but I'm getting enough sleep. I've got prescription migraine killers, but I can't take them every day and, if I did, I could be certain part of my morning headaches were caffeine/analgesic withdrawal.

Where does that leave me? Without enough exercise, with a pounding head and just barely enough resolve to not drink caffeine, not take anything for my head, not blame myself any further for feeling glum, and to take a walk. That's too bad, but sooner or later something has got to work.

Week 12, Sunday - Like a Tank

2005-05-29T03:55:00.000-05:00

I'm incredibly proud of myself for going on a short run yesterday after working all night and getting paltry sleep afterward. I went over to the track at the high school and ran about a mile and half. It was only about half of what I wanted to do, and I did take a couple of short walking breaks but, considering the hiatus and circumstances, I was glad I even got there. The track was amazingly springy. It was a wonderful surface to run on though I found the circling a bit repetitive.

I find that on the treadmill, I can tune out of my surroundings and sink into the feelings of running. I don't need to look at my feet and I don't get distracted by anything in the room. Outside, I have a nasty streak of ADD. On the trail, my eyes follow cardinals, look at the ground, turn to make sure no one is following me, watch the backyard gardeners, judge how far I am from the next person, check my feet again. On the track, I found myself constantly looking to see where and how I was stepping, trying to dodge goose poo, wondering if I could see if I was heel landing or landing mid-foot, checking to make sure I wasn't heading out of my little path and so on. At this point, as much as I love the breeze and freedom of running outside, it's really nice to tune out and feel faster inside.

The need to feel faster is an issue for me. I know I'm not competing with anyone (hell, right now my biggest competition is the desire to sit on my ass). On the treadmill, I can see actual numbers and push myself to go a bit faster while knowing just about how far I can go before something starts to hurt. Nothing around me moves and so I don't have any concept of how fast things should move at 5mph, faster or slower. Outside I feel like a snail. The fact that things move by so slowly is an insult. I want to go faster but don't feel like I can. It's the most frustrating aspect of switching to running outside. To top it all off, moving so slowly makes me feel like a lumbering tank. I see other runners and they look strong and fleet and I feel like I could topple and roll at any second.

Best news? My shins didn't hurt. And I feel good - better than I have in a couple of weeks.

1.5 miles outside on track

Week 11, Saturday - Tomorrow

2005-05-28T04:07:00.000-05:00

I've been relying far too much on tomorrow lately. But I plan to run at the high school track tomorrow, something I've been meaning to do for awhile. I'd like to see how it feels to run on a track as opposed to the treadmill or on the asphalt on the trail. My biggest hurdles are my midnight to 8 shifts tonight (this morning?) and tomorrow. I always struggle to get my body going after a schedule change like that. To be honest, I haven't managed it yet.

There's always a first time though, right?

Week Nine, Monday - Heart Rate

2005-05-10T01:57:00.000-05:00

I've read some confusing articles lately about heart rate and anaerobic and lactate thresholds. I was surprised to find I was so uninformed, since I try to understand the basics of anything I'm doing to my body. I try to stay at 75%-80% of my max heart rate for a good portion of my workout and I can do so easily, returning to a resting heart rate within minutes of slowing and stopping. It's much harder for me to stay at 60% - 70%, since I tend to drop right back into resting at the slightest hint of a slower stride. Logically, I know that working out at a higher intensity burns more calories (let's face it, this is my principal motivation for exercise), but it seems that in the past week I've seen cautionary notes in more than a few places warning that staying at 80% will burn blood sugar and make the heart more efficient but that you've got to stay lower to burn body fat. And, as usual, I don't seem to have a gear between go hard and go home. I can't seem to find a conclusive answer, only experts that fall into advocates of a fat burning zone and scoffers at said zone. I try to convince myself that my underlying philosophy is the only one I need to worry about - the activity is what's important; doing something is better than doing nothing - but my tendency to do everything as efficiently as possible makes me wish I had a bottom line/final answer/certainty. You can tell I'm not the most easygoing sort, can't you?

In other news, don't take up shift work. It makes running much harder than it needs to be.

Week Eight , Monday - Cramps and Chinese

2005-05-02T14:22:00.000-05:00

Although I planned to run outside today and inside tomorrow, the weather is supposed to be beautiful tomorrow and not so today. In fact, it's cloudy and green outside. I enjoy that I can change my schedule and run outside when I know I'll be happy, instead of having to hold myself to staying in when it's nice out - my number one reason for procrastination so far. This run was particularly hard (thus the breaks) and I'm not sure why. I felt my feet go half numb in minutes and they stayed that way through the whole run. My shins ached, I had cramps in my side, and I felt like I was lumbering. Of course, I attribute this to some yummy Chinese tofu from last night and for lunch (pre run) today. I obviously didn't drink enough water or give it enough digestion time. On the other hand, I shouldn't be eating Chinese at all...it's just that it's soooo good.

I kept my heart rate well into the zone, but I think that was because I had to work so hard in the last ten minutes of running just to push through. I'm glad I did, though. It makes me feel accomplished. I noticed at the end of the run that the wrist band on my heart rate monitor was much tighter than usual and, judging from that, I imagine that's why my feet were part numb. I'm swollen somewhere past the size of Goodyear's blimp. More water to flush the salt out. Watch me float away...

W5 - 3.5, R10 - 4.7, W1 - 3.5, R10 - 4.7, W1 - 3.5, R10 - 4.5, W5 - 3.5, W5 - 3.0 = 48min/3.26m/1.5% inc

Week Seven, Saturday - Eat, Sleep, Dream Running

2005-04-30T12:35:00.000-05:00

Running is keeping me up at night. I'm not complaining, but I am fascinated. I don't remember the last time I loved something so much, wanted to do something so much, craved something so much that I couldn't sleep. A bit of background, I could sleep through anything. I can, and have, slept through hurricanes, tornados and earthquakes. I can sleep the day before a big event. I can sleep when grieving, when brilliantly happy, when bouncing and excited. I love to sleep.

But I must equally love to run. The more I run, frequency, distance, speed, the more I wake myself up. I dream of running. I wake up wondering how soon I can go do it. Logically, I tell myself to go back to sleep, but at that point I'm thinking of the cardinal I saw on my last run, the way sweat slicks on my forehead inside, the beautiful quiet headspace I find when I hit that perfect place right after 10 and somewhere before 23 minutes. I wake up in the morning, not at all frustrated at having been woken up throughout the night, eager to run again. Even if it's a rest day, even if something hurts. In the middle of the night, I wake up and wonder if the treadmill would wake D. Sometime before dawn, I wake up and wonder where a good, safe place to run is in our neighborhood. I wonder if I could see which birds are chirping, I wonder how quickly I can lace up my shoes.

I am constantly thinking of running. When I catalogue my aches each day (today: my right calf, both shins, my left thigh near the top) I wonder how soon until I can stretch, run, rest, repeat. At work, I wish I were out. Not so I can see a new movie, enjoy the sunshine, visit a museum, escape tedium, but so that I can run. I forget how awkward I feel outside. It doesn't even occur to me that the aches might slow me down. I have to fight the urge to run everyday because I'm afraid if I do, I might hurt myself or get bored. And I know the pace right now is still good. But I've never woken myself dreaming of anything like this before. It's amazing.

Week Seven, Friday - Two Days in a Row

2005-04-29T17:12:00.000-05:00

It's a mini accomplishment, running for two days in a row without getting too tired, shins aching, feet numb/hurting (both). I ran inside today, which means I don't feel nearly as disappointed in myself as I did yesterday. I've decided to do my harder ones - not harder physically, harder distance/speed - on the treadmill until my skill levels out some. If I can get three outdoor runs in and one indoor per week, I'll have met the 4x per week goal for May, so I'm aiming for that for a month. Better if I can get in two indoor runs also, but that depends heavily on my schedule.

I had a great run today. And, a really great day at work. Smiles all around.

W5 - 3.5, R25 - 4.7, R5 - 4.9, W5 - 3.5, W5 - 3.0=45min/3.21mi./1.5%inc (2.41mi. R!!!!!)

Week Seven, Thursday - Starting Over

2005-04-28T14:11:00.000-05:00

I ran outside on a local trail this afternoon. While the trail was gradual up and downhills, it's asphalt and the mileage is marked, so I thought it would be easier than running on sidewalks/streets. Whether it was post two midnight shifts, or the first day after a day off or simply running outside, I wasn't able to run as long as I wanted to. It was strange, I felt strong, but I couldn't go longer than two minutes (at the most) without slowing to a walk again. On the plus side, my shins didn't ache too badly. I think I'll start back at the beginning again, using week two of the Cool Running Couch to 5k pla n. It frustrates me that I can't do the same speed or distance outside as I can inside. It frustrates me that I feel so awkward and clumsy outside, while inside I feel graceful and capable. I hope that getting better outside comes more quickly than it did inside, since I already have that base. Doesn't mean it isn't, well, frustrating.

.5mW, 1.5mR/W alternating 1 min. each, 5minW

Week Seven, Monday - Headaches

2005-04-25T23:48:00.000-05:00

I never ran when I was little. Even in games of tag, I would blast forward in short spurts and find any excuse to be wily instead of fast. I hated somersaults and cartwheels. My worst nightmare was tripod headstands in gym class. Every tiny bit of pressure on my head, every pounding step felt like it was jostling my brain. I was plagued with headaches brought on by any number of things, but always by running, for as long as I can remember.

It didn't matter though, since I got my exercise by swimming. For 16 years, I swam twice a day, for two to three hours, resting on Sundays. With the exception of an occasional head cold, swimming never caused a headache or made one worse - no impact meant my brain couldn't rattle around in my skull. Through and after college, I stuck exclusively to the pool and the elliptical machines, eyeing the treadmills with something akin to fear and hatred, envying the slim bodies of the runners but never once wanting to be on that machine, banging down, head aching with every step. I had friends that played soccer and eventually, they coerced me in to trying it. And, I loved it, running and all. But I soon found I was resorting to my childhood ways, being more clever than fast, intercepting other players rather than chasing them down. I just wasn't a runner.

But, for six weeks, I've been okay. All those fears of pounding, jostling, aching headaches (and I admit, they might have been based more on one or two incidents than full blown consistency) proved unfounded. I chalk some of it up to brain surgery two years ago. But most of it I attribute to incorrect form, my heavy body and dehydration. That doesn't mean I don't still fear a headache, somewhere deep inside, every time I step on the treadmill.

Today, I was already coping with a slight ache in my sinuses and my temples that was threatening to become a full blown migraine. I couldn't afford a migraine today since I had to work at midnight. I debated about the wisdom of running (jostling, banging, thumping) and whether or not it would make the ache worse. I debated what would happen if I took something for it before running, how that would effect my energy and my body. In the end, I decided to run drug free and hope for the best.

At the beginning it ached a bit more but I still didn't feel like the pounding of each foot was making it worse. I drank as much water as I could without weighing down my stomach (or my bladder) to help it along. I think the running helped a bit, if only to distract me from the horrible potential of what the headache could be. In the end, it was a short run, but quicker than I have been going and on a 1% incline, in order to prepare for future outside runs. I easily had another half hour in me, but had to stop short due to unforeseen circumstances.

I doubt I'll ever be able to shake the nagging (and unfounded) fear that running will give me a headache, and I'm fairly certain I'll never be able to make myself run with a migraine, but it's nice to know, with certainty, that the headaches aren't linked to running. Now, all I have to do is contend with getting a workout in tomorrow, after working from midnight until 8 in the morning.

W5 - 3.5, R20 - 4.7, W5 - 3.5=30min/1%inc.

Week Six, Saturday - Indulgence

2005-04-23T01:59:00.000-05:00

Sometime this week, I gave myself permission to do nothing. I didn't want to not run. On the contrary, I would have loved to run. But, my attitude got the better of my performance, and here we are, Saturday, with barely a three good workouts in for the week. Since I'm keeping track, I did run a bit outside on Thursday, but found that I was so enchanted by the day (again!) that I stopped and made it a productive walk instead.

It was beautiful on Thursday. Spring, sprung, had delivered little piles of pink and white blossoms in the street, pushed against curbs, fluttering in the breeze. The air was sharp and cool, heralding the rain we've been getting. I started the run after a 5 min warm-up inside on the treadmill and made it about a half mile before the hills got the better of me. For flat Virginia, we somehow live in a den of roiling hills. I'm good on flat and good on the treadmill but I'm not good on slopes. I'm too busy thinking about where to put my feet, how to put my feet, what to do with the increasingly sharp pain in my shins. So when my walk break came, I walked. And, I stayed walking. It was about a mile and a half total and I enjoyed every last hilly second of it. I took deep breaths and watched the sky, I let the music I was listening to sweep over me and I took advantage of cool summer sun - the kind we don't get around here but a few weeks each year. It was wonderful.

But about my indulgence. I've been seeing a nutritionist since late last year. While wonderful, she and I weren't able to achieve any great steps toward weight loss. To her credit, we have my shift work working against us. Trials show that shift workers are more stressed, more depressed and more exhausted than regular workers. Add to that the tendency for most shift workers to gain 10lbs per year of shift work, I'm doing pretty well having lost 8 lbs in 8 months of shift work. But, lets be frank: 1 lb per month is no real accomplishment. I'm more happy that I haven't gained anything. However, after the 6th week of not having lost a single pound, despite running, despite eating well, the nutritionist and I decided to take a break. Since then, I seem to have given myself carte blanche to be a slug, run less, eat worse. To indulge. I'm recognizing it here and noting, for the record, that the time of indulgence is over.

I'm back on the wagon, pretty spring days included, and I expect great things from week seven.

Week Six, Tuesday - Bike Ride

2005-04-19T09:13:00.000-05:00

D and I went for a long bike ride (5 miles up and 5 miles back) yesterday evening. Long for us probably a walk in the park for some of the hard core bikers we saw whizzing down the trail.

It was a beautiful evening, spring flowers making the air sweet and heady; the first of the summer bugs more interested in finding other cute bugs than in biting us; low humidity; and, a nice cool breeze. The trail winds through the heavily wooded back yards of large local homes. It peeks in on overgrown gardens, kids playgrounds, manicured landscaping, barbecues, trampolines, wagons, junkyards. It's wonderful to live so close to a safe place to bike and run and I can't wait to take advantage of it this spring and summer.

Biking definitely worked muscles I hadn't been using lately, but it didn't feel like too much. I didn't think ten miles would be as challenging as it was or as easy as it ended up being. I'm excited to feel my muscles get more and more comfortable. I missed running the entire time I was biking, but it was nice to cover as much ground as we did. Today, back to the strength exercises again.

Week Six, Monday - Too Beautiful

2005-04-18T11:35:00.000-05:00

Though I created this blog so that I could see my progress and have a place to catalogue accomplishments, I find the added benefit is knowing someone out there is reading and sharing their own running experience. I draw motivation from it, which is helpful on days like today.

I don't have a normal work schedule. My 40 hours happen in shifts, in a close, windowless space. My weekends come any day of the week, not always two days at a time. Today I'm off and it's gorgeous and hot outside. I got in a good workout in yesterday - pushups, crunches - and spent all day outside. That left me a little sore (in a good way) this morning, mainly since I've neglected doing any other kind of activity that isn't running. I know I need to strengthen my core muscles though, so I'm trying to add that in. My day off combined with the beautiful day and the unfamiliar muscle complaints made me less motivated to run. I did try, but after 15 minutes, whatever motivation was left evaporated.

I'm hoping to go with D. to run on the trail this evening. I don't know if she'll go for it, since we don't usually run together, but I thought I'd give it a try. Regardless, I'm sure I'll get some sort of physical activity in at some point today. For now though, I'm just going to enjoy the day.

R15-4.7/1%inc.

Week Five, Saturday - May Goal

2005-04-16T18:35:00.000-05:00

I'm still proud of myself for making the two mile run for the first time (silly grin). I think it's interesting how I was having so much pain in my foot and legs and back during the days I didn't run and now, after running again, everything hurts much less. I can't explain it except to assume it's because I stretch more often when I'm running and not at all when I'm not, so my muscles are tightening up. Doesn't really explain the foot pain, but I'm not going to knock it. It feels better, so I'm happy. Besides, I'm asking a lot out of my body by slamming all this weight down onto one leg at a time over and over and over and I think I'm holding up pretty well.

My goal for May is to step up my running to four days a week regularly and to run two miles outside. I know. You can stop pointing out my last few posts whining about running outside. I've got to do it since I can tell it will be better for my indoor runs, it's spring in Washington and it's beautiful, and my one bedroom apartment just isn't big enough to keep fresh and clean smelling when I'm running (and sweating) miles worth. All excellent reasons, I think. Particularly that last one. I'm a little worried about my painful shins, but I'm hoping to attend a ChiRunning workshop soon (thanks Jon at Chocolate Runner's Blog for the recommendation!). Even though it won't be before my May goal point, it's something to look forward to.

Week Five, Saturday - Goal Accomplished!

2005-04-16T10:58:00.000-05:00

I did it! I ran two miles without stopping, and faster than I thought I'd be able to. I didn't plan to do the two miles today - after all, the end of April isn't even here yet (I did it!) but I felt so good after 20 minutes that I knew I could do another five. I sped up so that I could make the two mile mark in another six minutes and just ran.

As much as I scoffed and moaned and complained about running outside, I'm convinced that's what made today so...easy. It felt like I was just breezing through the minutes. My shins, which were sore while running on Thursday and all day yesterday, ached a little today, but not even enough to merit notice. I only mention them because I think they'll continue to be a problem if I run outside. But I can't not now, because it made running inside so much easier. I felt my form breaking a little after about 3 1/2 minutes at 4.7 (23 1/2 min total) and my heart rate was consistently over 170, near my 85% rate. That tells me that while I can do it, it was probably just past my comfort zone and I can stay there with practice. I'll decide and start on my May goal next week.

In the meantime, I'm off to determine if there are stretches I can do to keep my shins from being painful, since if I'm going to run outside the day of rest just isn't enough. Yay me!

W5 - 3.5, R20 - 4.5/R6 - 4.7, W5 - 3.5, W5 - 3.0 = 46min/2.76m

Week Five, Thursday - the Horse

2005-04-14T10:55:00.000-05:00

I haven't run since last week sometime. I still think about it constantly, how to do it better, economize movement, have less pain. But visiting the nutritionist, only to find that I'm not making any progress, threw me for more of a loop than I expected. Half consciously, I decided to take a moment, give up for a second, regroup. It's been more than a week though and the vacation was both undeserved and too long.

It's spring finally, fully and completely cool, green, spring, so I took my run outside. I haven't run outside for the sake of running in almost four years, when I became intimately acquainted with shin splints and the demoralizing Dutch Doctor. It was beautiful today, all cool breezes and sunshine. Last night I left my car about two miles away, so I had a concrete destination and distance. I wore my heart rate monitor so I'd have something to judge my progress by besides soreness, tiredness or time. I'm glad I did since my heart rate went up and stayed up much higher than it does at a slightly faster pace on the treadmill.

I warmed up at a quick pace for about 7 minutes followed by a 5 minute run. It actually wasn't as bad as I expected and my shins didn't hurt - though I felt like I was going slower than molasses. I'm used to the in place motion of the treadmill and had to work much harder than I thought to propel myself forward. The reality of street running is stoplights and found I had to stop for a red light right at the 5 minute mark. After that I walked two minutes and then started to run again, but this time, I was going uphill and I felt my shins and outer edges of my feet being to complain. After that, I only did one more five minutes stint, walking the rest of the time but keeping my heart rate above 160 which was my goal at any rate.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm just too heavy to run outside yet without being really careful of the terrain and my legs. I don't want to end up in a situation where I can't run at all. A track doesn't seen nearly as appealing, despite the across the street proximity of a high school, but it might be worth a try to break things up a bit and get used to outside running. My longer runs will probably have to be inside for the time being though.

At this rate, the end of April is going to come and I'm not going to be able to make a two mile run like I thought. Time to reapply myself.

22 minute outside run, heart rate 160 av., 2 miles.

Week Four, Wednesday - Tomorrow

2005-04-06T20:30:00.000-05:00

Big thanks to Lisa for the running program she suggested. It looks great and I'm looking forward to trying it tomorrow. I think I'll start with week 9 session 2, which is cheating a little bit, since I haven't managed to run 68 minutes all at once (like session 1), but I think I'm definitely stronger than weeks 1-8. We'll see though, it's possible I may find myself back at week 5. I wonder if the stopping and starting will add great stress on my shins...if so, it may not work for me, but I'd like to give it a go since it sounds fun and ambitious. Besides, I'll be at a 2m stint in no time at all.

Note to Lisa - there's no way you're the slowest runner in the world...I think I have that honor. But, that's a whole other post...

Week Four, Wednesday - Heels

2005-04-06T16:43:00.000-05:00

Actually, it's the balls of my feet and I'm blaming the heels. On a day to day basis at work I wear flat shoes or, depending on the shift, tennis shoes. This is just a temporary hiatus from my big bad fancy suit and heels job, though. In a year, I'll be back to having to look professional all the time. Previously, this meant 3 inch heels. I have blue and gold and cream sandals, blue and black and red heels, pointy heels, square heels, gorgeous blocky sexy heels. I have a ton of tall shoes. I've always been a successful heel wearer, even springing back into them after a broken ankle, walking a mile to and from work, running for the bus. Round about the time I had brain surgery (two summers ago) I stopped wearing them in order to stop falling over and I haven't really gone back. Today though, I had a scheduled ultra professional meeting - so I donned the heels. A conventional pair. A sturdy pair with lots of room in the toe box and well broken in.

Disclaimer: I know they're bad for you.

I came home today with blisters on the bottoms of the balls of my feet. Right in the middle. This happens from time to time, if my socks rub in too big shoes, or I'm on my feet all day, or, well, whatever. But this was definitely triggered by the heels. I have bright angry red heels and blisters on my soles. I don't know if I feel like running/should run on those or wait until tomorrow. I've been thinking of my run all day and I'm sure the shoes would cushion the blisters, but I don't want it to hurt, or to make it worse.

So, officially, no more heels. I might keep one pair (because I love the way they make my legs look and even if I just stand in the mirror once a year, I'd be happy), but I'm putting the rest out. They're bad for you. They're bad for your legs and feet and posture. No amount of good looking can make up for a missed run because of blisters. There's no law required heels at my new job so I'll just have to invest in flats. Boring, but practical. I still haven't gotten it through my skull that I need to wear sunglasses and hats and sunscreen and take vitamins and not rub my face with the towel and so on and so forth. One step at a time. And I'm trying.

I might still run anyway...

Week Four, Monday - Stuck

2005-04-04T15:50:00.000-05:00

The visit to the nutritionist was depressing, revealing that I had maintained the same weight since two weeks ago, since two weeks before that, since the week before that. She tried to cheer me up by pointing out that my body fat percentage was down again, but it's always down, every time, and makes no difference in the overall picture it seems. Sure, I'm thrilled to be composed of less fat. But I'd appreciate it if the recently vacated space would show up as a loss in pounds, a better profile or a faster metabolism. The way it's going, it just seems like my fat is dehydrated and thus, acting smaller.

I'm frustrated. That, and a whole bunch of other adjectives I'll spare you.

I did come home and run today, after a suitably lengthy self-pity session. In fact, I'm probably still self-pitying, but I feel less depressed having gotten in the run. I tacked the first and second sets together, just to see if I could do 24 minutes at once at the faster pace. My goal for the end of April is to run two miles without a walk break and I'm just a couple minutes from that after today. I'm proud that I can do that. Two months ago I never would have thought that possible, and now it's just a few days away.

So, in the interest of keeping it challenging, while still building my running muscles and avoiding injury, I think I'll take Week Four to build up to the two miles at the faster pace, adding a fourth day of running in. I don't feel as sore the day after now, so I honestly think I can do a few consecutive days. I'd love to be in shape enough to run/walk the Marine Corps Marathon in the fall. I'll keep working and reassess in May. Even if I decide not to do it, I'd still be healthier and faster for trying.

w5 - 3.5, R24 - 4.5, W5-3.5, W5 - 3.0 = 39min/2.94m

Week Three, Saturday - Stronger

2005-04-02T17:41:00.000-05:00

I'm always so happy when I've finished the run I set out to do. No numb feet today either. My shins are a little sore, but overall the run was smooth. My form felt good and I felt strong. Strong enough that I could even pick up the third set to 4.5. I feel accomplished for doing more today without feeling worse for the wear.

And I'm happy to know I'm not the only one out there with numb feet. Hurrah for Runners World Forums.

W5 - 3.5, R5 - 4.5, W2 - 3.5, R17 - 4.3, W2 - 3.5, R8 - 4.5, W5 - 3.5, W2 - 3.0 = 46 min./3.09m

Week Three, Saturday - Anticipation

2005-04-02T12:47:00.000-05:00

I haven't stopped dreaming about running, three weeks in. I still wake up with the trails of dreams still glistening in my mind, memories of running over hills, down paths and roads, in combat boots, barefoot, running to beaches, to meet friends, away from stillness. I'm waking up with a smile. I'm sure this will fade and I'll be dreaming about average things again but I'm enjoying the bouncing feeling I get when I open my eyes and realize another run is sooner than I thought.

My job involves mainly sitting and doesn't offer opportunity to walk around or move my limbs. I fantasize about twice daily runs, even though I know my body couldn't handle it. Instead, my mind is constantly wandering to the whens and hows of my next run. How will I feel? Good? Strong? Can I go faster? Longer? Am I going too slow? Am I running too little? Part of it is mentally preparing myself to spend that time banging down onto my knees and ankles. Part of me is wishing it could be happening right now.

I no longer see sidewalks as a consequence of neighborhoods. I see them as possible paths. I look at their up and down-ness, their cracks, their beginning and endings. I eye the local high school's track. I evaluate each step to see if I'm ready to add more, to add challenges to my workout. I want to lump in weight training to strengthen those muscles that are working hard and yoga to soothe them. I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day.

Week Three, Thursday - Numb Feet

2005-03-31T19:44:00.000-05:00

Foot rather.

20 minutes in, in the thick of my 17 minute stretch, I noticed my foot felt numb. It wasn't completely without sensation since I thought I could feel the banging when I landed on that leg. And, for awhile, I thought I'd be able to just sort of shake it around, land differently, roll differently, something. Usually when something hurts, that helps. I tried everything I knew how to do and it only got...numb-er. And my calf, mainly on the front, got numb, too. Even now, an hour and half later, I'm numbish. But now it's confined to my arch and upper calf. I doubt anything is wrong. Except for being numb.

Maybe my shoe was tied too tight again. As wonderful as these shoes feel most of the time, maybe they just don't fit. When I stopped to walk after 17 minutes and it didn't get better I cooled down and got off the treadmill to stretch, done for the night. I was really disappointed in myself for not finishing the workout, but the increasing numbness couldn't be ignored. So now I'm wondering...will I be numb again tomorrow? What can I do to avoid being numb? Can I run numb? Can I stop running now that I've started?

I have to go to the nutritionist Monday. I feel like I haven't done enough to make a difference since last time, despite the small achievement of lowered blood pressure. Humph. I guess 17 minutes of endorphins don't last long...

W5 - 3.5, R5 - 4.5, W2 - 3.5, R17 - 4.3, W2 - 3.0 = 32 min.

Week Three, Tuesday - Sweat

2005-03-29T10:27:00.000-05:00

I took a two day break before this run. I'm blaming that for my sluggishness bookending my run today. I've started tacking on minutes to the middle, longer run so that it's eventually all one big run with no walking breaks. Despite feeling slow and heavy, I managed it by thinking of the adrenaline boosts. This wouldn't be nearly as fun without them. I'm finding that it's getting easier for me to run past discomfort and distinguish it from stop-now pain. I am watching my shins though, since today they ached more than usual.

I was starving today after my run and shower. Flat out starving. I ate a respectable breakfast - Go Lean (recommended by my nutritionist) with milk and half a banana. That fuel was gone by the time I finished. Or, if not gone, just absent from my stomach, which was howling for sustenance. I tossed it some almonds (also per the nutritionist) and it seems to have quieted somewhat. I was proud of myself for not eating the cookies in the cupboard. They didn't even sound appetizing.

At the end, what made it all worthwhile today was the sweat. I've never been a heavy sweater and I've always been envious of those always skeletal, tall, men decorating black plastic treadmills all over the world with glistening blotches of sweat. I've never been that person. I sweat in more of a sheen, not a drip. Even when I've mustered a drip, in my formerly fit days, it was never enough to splotch on the equipment - a goal I've since given up. But I still love the sensation of a bead of sweat gathering and streaking down my skin. Today, drips were falling off of my elbows within the first five minutes. Sure, summer is coming and with it, humidity. And we've opened the windows and turned off the desert-heat furnace. Maybe that caused most of my dripping but some of it, at least a little bit, was caused by my getting-in-shape body.

W5 - 3.5, R5 - 4.5, W2 - 3.5, R16 - 4.3, W2 - 3.5, R9 - 4.3, W5 - 3.5, W2 - 3.0 = 46min.

Sunday, Week Three - Pizza?

2005-03-27T11:20:00.000-05:00

This man gets pizza delivered to him on his runs. Is that a reasonable goal? It might be.

Saturday, Week Two - Exhilaration

2005-03-26T18:15:00.000-05:00

I tested my blood pressure at the grocery store yesterday and it was much lower than it has been. Still not perfectly normal, but normal enough. I'd like it to be irrevocably normal though, which was the driving force behind today's run.

After searching a zillion sites for a good training program that didn't start at the couch potato stage but that didn't assume I was jauntily running 5ks between breakfast and mid-morning tea each day, I decided give up. Is it too much to ask for a simple day to day program that addresses intensity, time, rest breaks and so forth on a weekly basis, but that doesn't assume you can't go more than 30 seconds at a time? Or, conversely, does not assume you're speeding along at treadmill speeds surpassing 7.0? To this point, I've been doing a 5 minute fast walking warm-up followed by an initial 5 minute run. Let me point out that run in this case, means jog for most people that aren't as large/inexperienced/frail as I am. I follow the initial run with a 2 minute fast walk and then tack on 10 and 15 minute runs separated by two minute walks and followed with a 7 minute cool down. It works, I'm covering about 3 miles, total. But based on some of what I've read/seen, I decided to put the 15 minute run in the middle, when I have the most energy. It works. I'm planning to gradually decreased the end run minutes and build up the middle minutes - ideally running 3 miles in a pop, instead of broken up.

I find I get shots of adrenaline in 4-5 minutes increments. It's amazing. I swam for 15 years competitively and never felt the rush that running brings. It's like novicaine, morphine, it simultaneously numbs and lifts so I feel like I'm floating. For a minute, nothing hurts, nothing aches, nothing pounds or feels off. I feel like I'm skipping or sliding smoothly. I feel like I could go forever. It doesn't last for more than a minute or two but it's reliably back in four more and I can wait for it, even if the third minute drags interminably. I wonder if the thrill will spread out as I run more often. Will it be every ten minutes? Every 20? Or will I continue to get these four-minute joyous injections that make every sore muscle worth it for days after?

W5 - 3.5, R5 - 4.5, W2 - 3.5, R15 - 4.3, W2 - 3.5, R10 - 4.3, W5 - 3.5, W2 - 3.0 = 46min.

Thursday, Week Two - Shoes

2005-03-24T17:34:00.000-05:00

I was running in crap shoes. I've picked up that adjective from D. It doesn't mean I like it, but it encompasses the trailing, seeping, bleeding awfulness that was my old shoes. I've been moaning over them for months actually. Long before the running came to the forefront. Long before I started waking up dreaming about running. The inner heels were worn down, the support was non-existent, I felt like they warmly invited shin splints into my life, offering them a guest bedroom and endless crack to make them stay. I didn't like their dark-blueness. I didn't like that they hadn't taken me from huge to svelte (as they promised me on the shelf). I resented their very existence. I'd lamented them to D. more than once and had even bought them cushy soles to coax them into serviceability. Nothing worked.

But I have a new love. Oh, we're still working through our growing pains. The super exciting (and needed) "Stability Web®" crunches my mid-foot enough to make me wonder if I suddenly need extra-wides. Surely, not even my foot is fat? But then I remembered that the ex-shoes had a similar problem at first, even taking to turning my toes numb if I didn't stop to loosen my laces. This was at the beginning though, and they were quickly worn out of it. My mother always told me to buy tennis shoes that fit right off. She was all for breaking in stiff, unwieldy, leather dress shoes (ps - those don't break in so much as break your feet in), but was firmly against any sport shoe that needed adjustment. But I love these shoes, enough to live with a week or two or weird foot crunch solved by lace loosening.

They are light, bouncy and Runners World picked them as an Editor's favorite. Some reviews complain that they aren't light enough, but when you're lifting as much leg as I am, everything on your foot feels light. They even have exciting no-slip laces that work as well as any strategy I've seen, despite taking an extra second or so to tighten up. Bottom line? They make my legs feel good, my feet land right and I look forward to putting them on again.

W5 - 3.5, R5 - 4.5, W2 - 3.5, R10 - 4.3, W2 - 3.5, R15 - 4.3, W5 - 3.5, W2 - 3.0 - 46min.

Wednesday, Week Two - The Dutch Doctor

2005-03-23T22:40:00.000-05:00

I'm not built for running. I'm too big, too stocky, too heavy, too awkward. I'm not gazelle graceful. I look okay while sprinting, but still a little lion-like, floppy, powerful and very out of breath afterward, usually with nothing to show for it. My lanky runner friends spring agiley through the spring grass, spritely wiping dew from their barely sweating brows and then have a joyous salad and a cup of water. They exist on air and adrenaline. I like to eat and lounge, not always in that order. I've been a swimmer, a soccer and tennis and raquetball player. But I only squeaked past the running bits. More recently, I've noticed that if I walk fast my fat parts itch. Definitely not inspiration to run that marathon. Once, I even began training for such a fat-itching marathon - through a game park in Africa - until shin splints sidelined me midway through my first training week. The kindly Dutch doctor told me I should think of taking up another sport since I would never be a runner and I haven't tried since. Not until my partner and I bought an industrial strength treadmill in October in a last ditch effort to lose weight.

To our credit, the treadmill never languished dustily. It never stood in for the clothes hangers. I walked on it once or twice a week and D. did the same. We started seeing a nutritionist. But in February, I still hadn't lost any weight. Oh sure, my body fat percentage went down (somewhat) but my blood pressure was still big-person-high and neither D. or I had cracked 3.5 on the treadmill. But then she started running and, the nerve, bragging about the rush. She wanted to do it all the time. And of course, that made me want to do it too. And so, about two weeks ago, I started running. Though I don't want to pollute the internet with a journal/food log/exercise tracker that doesn't mean anything to anyone but me, I know there are other shin-splinted, fat-itching, too big, too floppy, too tired of faking it, big people out there who might want to see someone else's path. That, and I like to see my progress in pretty colors.

W5 - 3.5, R5 - 4.5, W2 - 3.5, R8 - 4.3, W2 - 3.5, R11 - 4.3, W5 - 3.5, W2 - 3.0 - 40min.