Week Seven, Saturday - Eat, Sleep, Dream Running

Running is keeping me up at night. I'm not complaining, but I am fascinated. I don't remember the last time I loved something so much, wanted to do something so much, craved something so much that I couldn't sleep. A bit of background, I could sleep through anything. I can, and have, slept through hurricanes, tornados and earthquakes. I can sleep the day before a big event. I can sleep when grieving, when brilliantly happy, when bouncing and excited. I love to sleep.

But I must equally love to run. The more I run, frequency, distance, speed, the more I wake myself up. I dream of running. I wake up wondering how soon I can go do it. Logically, I tell myself to go back to sleep, but at that point I'm thinking of the cardinal I saw on my last run, the way sweat slicks on my forehead inside, the beautiful quiet headspace I find when I hit that perfect place right after 10 and somewhere before 23 minutes. I wake up in the morning, not at all frustrated at having been woken up throughout the night, eager to run again. Even if it's a rest day, even if something hurts. In the middle of the night, I wake up and wonder if the treadmill would wake D. Sometime before dawn, I wake up and wonder where a good, safe place to run is in our neighborhood. I wonder if I could see which birds are chirping, I wonder how quickly I can lace up my shoes.

I am constantly thinking of running. When I catalogue my aches each day (today: my right calf, both shins, my left thigh near the top) I wonder how soon until I can stretch, run, rest, repeat. At work, I wish I were out. Not so I can see a new movie, enjoy the sunshine, visit a museum, escape tedium, but so that I can run. I forget how awkward I feel outside. It doesn't even occur to me that the aches might slow me down. I have to fight the urge to run everyday because I'm afraid if I do, I might hurt myself or get bored. And I know the pace right now is still good. But I've never woken myself dreaming of anything like this before. It's amazing.

Week Seven, Friday - Two Days in a Row

It's a mini accomplishment, running for two days in a row without getting too tired, shins aching, feet numb/hurting (both). I ran inside today, which means I don't feel nearly as disappointed in myself as I did yesterday. I've decided to do my harder ones - not harder physically, harder distance/speed - on the treadmill until my skill levels out some. If I can get three outdoor runs in and one indoor per week, I'll have met the 4x per week goal for May, so I'm aiming for that for a month. Better if I can get in two indoor runs also, but that depends heavily on my schedule.

I had a great run today. And, a really great day at work. Smiles all around.

W5 - 3.5, R25 - 4.7, R5 - 4.9, W5 - 3.5, W5 - 3.0=45min/3.21mi./1.5%inc (2.41mi. R!!!!!)

Week Seven, Thursday - Starting Over

I ran outside on a local trail this afternoon. While the trail was gradual up and downhills, it's asphalt and the mileage is marked, so I thought it would be easier than running on sidewalks/streets. Whether it was post two midnight shifts, or the first day after a day off or simply running outside, I wasn't able to run as long as I wanted to. It was strange, I felt strong, but I couldn't go longer than two minutes (at the most) without slowing to a walk again. On the plus side, my shins didn't ache too badly. I think I'll start back at the beginning again, using week two of the Cool Running Couch to 5k plan. It frustrates me that I can't do the same speed or distance outside as I can inside. It frustrates me that I feel so awkward and clumsy outside, while inside I feel graceful and capable. I hope that getting better outside comes more quickly than it did inside, since I already have that base. Doesn't mean it isn't, well, frustrating.

.5mW, 1.5mR/W alternating 1 min. each, 5minW

Week Seven, Monday - Headaches

I never ran when I was little. Even in games of tag, I would blast forward in short spurts and find any excuse to be wily instead of fast. I hated somersaults and cartwheels. My worst nightmare was tripod headstands in gym class. Every tiny bit of pressure on my head, every pounding step felt like it was jostling my brain. I was plagued with headaches brought on by any number of things, but always by running, for as long as I can remember.

It didn't matter though, since I got my exercise by swimming. For 16 years, I swam twice a day, for two to three hours, resting on Sundays. With the exception of an occasional head cold, swimming never caused a headache or made one worse - no impact meant my brain couldn't rattle around in my skull. Through and after college, I stuck exclusively to the pool and the elliptical machines, eyeing the treadmills with something akin to fear and hatred, envying the slim bodies of the runners but never once wanting to be on that machine, banging down, head aching with every step. I had friends that played soccer and eventually, they coerced me in to trying it. And, I loved it, running and all. But I soon found I was resorting to my childhood ways, being more clever than fast, intercepting other players rather than chasing them down. I just wasn't a runner.

But, for six weeks, I've been okay. All those fears of pounding, jostling, aching headaches (and I admit, they might have been based more on one or two incidents than full blown consistency) proved unfounded. I chalk some of it up to brain surgery two years ago. But most of it I attribute to incorrect form, my heavy body and dehydration. That doesn't mean I don't still fear a headache, somewhere deep inside, every time I step on the treadmill.

Today, I was already coping with a slight ache in my sinuses and my temples that was threatening to become a full blown migraine. I couldn't afford a migraine today since I had to work at midnight. I debated about the wisdom of running (jostling, banging, thumping) and whether or not it would make the ache worse. I debated what would happen if I took something for it before running, how that would effect my energy and my body. In the end, I decided to run drug free and hope for the best.

At the beginning it ached a bit more but I still didn't feel like the pounding of each foot was making it worse. I drank as much water as I could without weighing down my stomach (or my bladder) to help it along. I think the running helped a bit, if only to distract me from the horrible potential of what the headache could be. In the end, it was a short run, but quicker than I have been going and on a 1% incline, in order to prepare for future outside runs. I easily had another half hour in me, but had to stop short due to unforeseen circumstances.

I doubt I'll ever be able to shake the nagging (and unfounded) fear that running will give me a headache, and I'm fairly certain I'll never be able to make myself run with a migraine, but it's nice to know, with certainty, that the headaches aren't linked to running. Now, all I have to do is contend with getting a workout in tomorrow, after working from midnight until 8 in the morning.

W5 - 3.5, R20 - 4.7, W5 - 3.5=30min/1%inc.

Week Six, Saturday - Indulgence

Sometime this week, I gave myself permission to do nothing. I didn't want to not run. On the contrary, I would have loved to run. But, my attitude got the better of my performance, and here we are, Saturday, with barely a three good workouts in for the week. Since I'm keeping track, I did run a bit outside on Thursday, but found that I was so enchanted by the day (again!) that I stopped and made it a productive walk instead.

It was beautiful on Thursday. Spring, sprung, had delivered little piles of pink and white blossoms in the street, pushed against curbs, fluttering in the breeze. The air was sharp and cool, heralding the rain we've been getting. I started the run after a 5 min warm-up inside on the treadmill and made it about a half mile before the hills got the better of me. For flat Virginia, we somehow live in a den of roiling hills. I'm good on flat and good on the treadmill but I'm not good on slopes. I'm too busy thinking about where to put my feet, how to put my feet, what to do with the increasingly sharp pain in my shins. So when my walk break came, I walked. And, I stayed walking. It was about a mile and a half total and I enjoyed every last hilly second of it. I took deep breaths and watched the sky, I let the music I was listening to sweep over me and I took advantage of cool summer sun - the kind we don't get around here but a few weeks each year. It was wonderful.

But about my indulgence. I've been seeing a nutritionist since late last year. While wonderful, she and I weren't able to achieve any great steps toward weight loss. To her credit, we have my shift work working against us. Trials show that shift workers are more stressed, more depressed and more exhausted than regular workers. Add to that the tendency for most shift workers to gain 10lbs per year of shift work, I'm doing pretty well having lost 8 lbs in 8 months of shift work. But, lets be frank: 1 lb per month is no real accomplishment. I'm more happy that I haven't gained anything. However, after the 6th week of not having lost a single pound, despite running, despite eating well, the nutritionist and I decided to take a break. Since then, I seem to have given myself carte blanche to be a slug, run less, eat worse. To indulge. I'm recognizing it here and noting, for the record, that the time of indulgence is over.

I'm back on the wagon, pretty spring days included, and I expect great things from week seven.

Week Six, Tuesday - Bike Ride

D and I went for a long bike ride (5 miles up and 5 miles back) yesterday evening. Long for us – probably a walk in the park for some of the hard core bikers we saw whizzing down the trail.

It was a beautiful evening, spring flowers making the air sweet and heady; the first of the summer bugs more interested in finding other cute bugs than in biting us; low humidity; and, a nice cool breeze. The trail winds through the heavily wooded back yards of large local homes. It peeks in on overgrown gardens, kids’ playgrounds, manicured landscaping, barbecues, trampolines, wagons, junkyards. It's wonderful to live so close to a safe place to bike and run and I can't wait to take advantage of it this spring and summer.

Biking definitely worked muscles I hadn't been using lately, but it didn't feel like too much. I didn't think ten miles would be as challenging as it was or as easy as it ended up being. I'm excited to feel my muscles get more and more comfortable. I missed running the entire time I was biking, but it was nice to cover as much ground as we did. Today, back to the strength exercises again.

Week Six, Monday - Too Beautiful

Though I created this blog so that I could see my progress and have a place to catalogue accomplishments, I find the added benefit is knowing someone out there is reading and sharing their own running experience. I draw motivation from it, which is helpful on days like today.

I don't have a normal work schedule. My 40 hours happen in shifts, in a close, windowless space. My weekends come any day of the week, not always two days at a time. Today I'm off and it's gorgeous and hot outside. I got in a good workout in yesterday - pushups, crunches - and spent all day outside. That left me a little sore (in a good way) this morning, mainly since I've neglected doing any other kind of activity that isn't running. I know I need to strengthen my core muscles though, so I'm trying to add that in. My day off combined with the beautiful day and the unfamiliar muscle complaints made me less motivated to run. I did try, but after 15 minutes, whatever motivation was left evaporated.

I'm hoping to go with D. to run on the trail this evening. I don't know if she'll go for it, since we don't usually run together, but I thought I'd give it a try. Regardless, I'm sure I'll get some sort of physical activity in at some point today. For now though, I'm just going to enjoy the day.

R15-4.7/1%inc.

Week Five, Saturday - May Goal

I'm still proud of myself for making the two mile run for the first time (silly grin). I think it's interesting how I was having so much pain in my foot and legs and back during the days I didn't run and now, after running again, everything hurts much less. I can't explain it except to assume it's because I stretch more often when I'm running and not at all when I'm not, so my muscles are tightening up. Doesn't really explain the foot pain, but I'm not going to knock it. It feels better, so I'm happy. Besides, I'm asking a lot out of my body by slamming all this weight down onto one leg at a time over and over and over and I think I'm holding up pretty well.

My goal for May is to step up my running to four days a week regularly and to run two miles outside. I know. You can stop pointing out my last few posts whining about running outside. I've got to do it since I can tell it will be better for my indoor runs, it's spring in Washington and it's beautiful, and my one bedroom apartment just isn't big enough to keep fresh and clean smelling when I'm running (and sweating) miles worth. All excellent reasons, I think. Particularly that last one. I'm a little worried about my painful shins, but I'm hoping to attend a ChiRunning workshop soon (thanks Jon at Chocolate Runner's Blog for the recommendation!). Even though it won't be before my May goal point, it's something to look forward to.

Week Five, Saturday - Goal Accomplished!

I did it! I ran two miles without stopping, and faster than I thought I'd be able to. I didn't plan to do the two miles today - after all, the end of April isn't even here yet (I did it!) but I felt so good after 20 minutes that I knew I could do another five. I sped up so that I could make the two mile mark in another six minutes and just ran.

As much as I scoffed and moaned and complained about running outside, I'm convinced that's what made today so...easy. It felt like I was just breezing through the minutes. My shins, which were sore while running on Thursday and all day yesterday, ached a little today, but not even enough to merit notice. I only mention them because I think they'll continue to be a problem if I run outside. But I can't not now, because it made running inside so much easier. I felt my form breaking a little after about 3 1/2 minutes at 4.7 (23 1/2 min total) and my heart rate was consistently over 170, near my 85% rate. That tells me that while I can do it, it was probably just past my comfort zone and I can stay there with practice. I'll decide and start on my May goal next week.

In the meantime, I'm off to determine if there are stretches I can do to keep my shins from being painful, since if I'm going to run outside the day of rest just isn't enough. Yay me!

W5 - 3.5, R20 - 4.5/R6 - 4.7, W5 - 3.5, W5 - 3.0 = 46min/2.76m

Week Five, Thursday - the Horse

I haven't run since last week sometime. I still think about it constantly, how to do it better, economize movement, have less pain. But visiting the nutritionist, only to find that I'm not making any progress, threw me for more of a loop than I expected. Half consciously, I decided to take a moment, give up for a second, regroup. It's been more than a week though and the vacation was both undeserved and too long.

It's spring finally, fully and completely cool, green, spring, so I took my run outside. I haven't run outside for the sake of running in almost four years, when I became intimately acquainted with shin splints and the demoralizing Dutch Doctor. It was beautiful today, all cool breezes and sunshine. Last night I left my car about two miles away, so I had a concrete destination and distance. I wore my heart rate monitor so I'd have something to judge my progress by besides soreness, tiredness or time. I'm glad I did since my heart rate went up and stayed up much higher than it does at a slightly faster pace on the treadmill.

I warmed up at a quick pace for about 7 minutes followed by a 5 minute run. It actually wasn't as bad as I expected and my shins didn't hurt - though I felt like I was going slower than molasses. I'm used to the in place motion of the treadmill and had to work much harder than I thought to propel myself forward. The reality of street running is stoplights and found I had to stop for a red light right at the 5 minute mark. After that I walked two minutes and then started to run again, but this time, I was going uphill and I felt my shins and outer edges of my feet being to complain. After that, I only did one more five minutes stint, walking the rest of the time but keeping my heart rate above 160 which was my goal at any rate.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm just too heavy to run outside yet without being really careful of the terrain and my legs. I don't want to end up in a situation where I can't run at all. A track doesn't seen nearly as appealing, despite the across the street proximity of a high school, but it might be worth a try to break things up a bit and get used to outside running. My longer runs will probably have to be inside for the time being though.

At this rate, the end of April is going to come and I'm not going to be able to make a two mile run like I thought. Time to reapply myself.

22 minute outside run, heart rate 160 av., 2 miles.

Week Four, Wednesday - Tomorrow

Big thanks to Lisa for the running program she suggested. It looks great and I'm looking forward to trying it tomorrow. I think I'll start with week 9 session 2, which is cheating a little bit, since I haven't managed to run 68 minutes all at once (like session 1), but I think I'm definitely stronger than weeks 1-8. We'll see though, it's possible I may find myself back at week 5. I wonder if the stopping and starting will add great stress on my shins...if so, it may not work for me, but I'd like to give it a go since it sounds fun and ambitious. Besides, I'll be at a 2m stint in no time at all.

Note to Lisa - there's no way you're the slowest runner in the world...I think I have that honor. But, that's a whole other post...

Week Four, Wednesday - Heels

Actually, it's the balls of my feet and I'm blaming the heels. On a day to day basis at work I wear flat shoes or, depending on the shift, tennis shoes. This is just a temporary hiatus from my big bad fancy suit and heels job, though. In a year, I'll be back to having to look professional all the time. Previously, this meant 3 inch heels. I have blue and gold and cream sandals, blue and black and red heels, pointy heels, square heels, gorgeous blocky sexy heels. I have a ton of tall shoes. I've always been a successful heel wearer, even springing back into them after a broken ankle, walking a mile to and from work, running for the bus. Round about the time I had brain surgery (two summers ago) I stopped wearing them in order to stop falling over and I haven't really gone back. Today though, I had a scheduled ultra professional meeting - so I donned the heels. A conventional pair. A sturdy pair with lots of room in the toe box and well broken in.

Disclaimer: I know they're bad for you.

I came home today with blisters on the bottoms of the balls of my feet. Right in the middle. This happens from time to time, if my socks rub in too big shoes, or I'm on my feet all day, or, well, whatever. But this was definitely triggered by the heels. I have bright angry red heels and blisters on my soles. I don't know if I feel like running/should run on those or wait until tomorrow. I've been thinking of my run all day and I'm sure the shoes would cushion the blisters, but I don't want it to hurt, or to make it worse.

So, officially, no more heels. I might keep one pair (because I love the way they make my legs look and even if I just stand in the mirror once a year, I'd be happy), but I'm putting the rest out. They're bad for you. They're bad for your legs and feet and posture. No amount of good looking can make up for a missed run because of blisters. There's no law required heels at my new job so I'll just have to invest in flats. Boring, but practical. I still haven't gotten it through my skull that I need to wear sunglasses and hats and sunscreen and take vitamins and not rub my face with the towel and so on and so forth. One step at a time. And I'm trying.

I might still run anyway...

Week Four, Monday - Stuck

The visit to the nutritionist was depressing, revealing that I had maintained the same weight since two weeks ago, since two weeks before that, since the week before that. She tried to cheer me up by pointing out that my body fat percentage was down again, but it's always down, every time, and makes no difference in the overall picture it seems. Sure, I'm thrilled to be composed of less fat. But I'd appreciate it if the recently vacated space would show up as a loss in pounds, a better profile or a faster metabolism. The way it's going, it just seems like my fat is dehydrated and thus, acting smaller.

I'm frustrated. That, and a whole bunch of other adjectives I'll spare you.

I did come home and run today, after a suitably lengthy self-pity session. In fact, I'm probably still self-pitying, but I feel less depressed having gotten in the run. I tacked the first and second sets together, just to see if I could do 24 minutes at once at the faster pace. My goal for the end of April is to run two miles without a walk break and I'm just a couple minutes from that after today. I'm proud that I can do that. Two months ago I never would have thought that possible, and now it's just a few days away.

So, in the interest of keeping it challenging, while still building my running muscles and avoiding injury, I think I'll take Week Four to build up to the two miles at the faster pace, adding a fourth day of running in. I don't feel as sore the day after now, so I honestly think I can do a few consecutive days. I'd love to be in shape enough to run/walk the Marine Corps Marathon in the fall. I'll keep working and reassess in May. Even if I decide not to do it, I'd still be healthier and faster for trying.

w5 - 3.5, R24 - 4.5, W5-3.5, W5 - 3.0 = 39min/2.94m

Week Three, Saturday - Stronger

I'm always so happy when I've finished the run I set out to do. No numb feet today either. My shins are a little sore, but overall the run was smooth. My form felt good and I felt strong. Strong enough that I could even pick up the third set to 4.5. I feel accomplished for doing more today without feeling worse for the wear.

And I'm happy to know I'm not the only one out there with numb feet. Hurrah for Runners World Forums.

W5 - 3.5, R5 - 4.5, W2 - 3.5, R17 - 4.3, W2 - 3.5, R8 - 4.5, W5 - 3.5, W2 - 3.0 = 46 min./3.09m

Week Three, Saturday - Anticipation

I haven't stopped dreaming about running, three weeks in. I still wake up with the trails of dreams still glistening in my mind, memories of running over hills, down paths and roads, in combat boots, barefoot, running to beaches, to meet friends, away from stillness. I'm waking up with a smile. I'm sure this will fade and I'll be dreaming about average things again but I'm enjoying the bouncing feeling I get when I open my eyes and realize another run is sooner than I thought.

My job involves mainly sitting and doesn't offer opportunity to walk around or move my limbs. I fantasize about twice daily runs, even though I know my body couldn't handle it. Instead, my mind is constantly wandering to the whens and hows of my next run. How will I feel? Good? Strong? Can I go faster? Longer? Am I going too slow? Am I running too little? Part of it is mentally preparing myself to spend that time banging down onto my knees and ankles. Part of me is wishing it could be happening right now.

I no longer see sidewalks as a consequence of neighborhoods. I see them as possible paths. I look at their up and down-ness, their cracks, their beginning and endings. I eye the local high school's track. I evaluate each step to see if I'm ready to add more, to add challenges to my workout. I want to lump in weight training to strengthen those muscles that are working hard and yoga to soothe them. I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day.